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Thursday 2nd November 2017.

Today i just had to appease the desire to slip something horny in the darkest of places..it has been far to long as usual since i ventured down that dark path..being a size queen does not help either...the sharpest gasp tonight made me promise myself not to leave the urge on boiling point so long again..if it was not for plenty of lube the night owl just might have heard me, there is for myself just something about being filled to the point when enough is not enough and large can go a tiny bit further.

Friday 27th October 2017.

I sit here in my panties and love me socks running thoughts through my mind, playing games amongst the crazy streets comforted by the garden wall i have built around them, over the years the games becoming more outrageous as time ticks along, do they now rule me, each cobbled street dressed in drag, or is it simply a being on its own...is that not also a soul against a gate which guards this fragile being.
Did i find the word Transvestite in an glass jar by such a gate or was it in one of those soft porn mags i used to buy as a youth an accidental stumble behind a curtain beyond the Mills and Boon wall to wall book shelves, the small room beyond the back of the book shop sadly no longer alive, opened up a world, i sometimes wonder what if i had not would i be me today..i suspect the shop is now a beauty nail shop...it does not stop me wondering about those days each time i am anywhere near the community it used to sit within....sometimes i sigh regarding those days when soft porn was an instant erection becoming an addiction as time passed, as i became aware of what a transvestite really was..i often wonder if other transvestites feel the same or has the new word crossdressers wiped us old tranny's to a far flung time warp. Where we perhaps sit and dribble tea.They say for whom the bell tolls...i do indeed wonder.

Thursday 26th October 2017.

Amongst the crazy street mix of my mind there must be a pinch to form a habit to linger across this page more than the few times i crawl here in stabbed panties maybe as a matter of interest or perhaps guilt...to many stone roses to many half eaten jelly babies perhaps block the view of this white screen...perhaps maybe a better word to open the gate for my tired old slut self...

Wednesday 24th October 2017.

Golly Gosh....where have i been..the roll of the panty dice must roll again....sleep will bring a new meaning or else..a swift end to bucket and spades....

Sunday 20th August 2017.

It has been that long in venturing this way, that i have sadly forgot my password when i tried to log on a small while ago. I had to faff about scribbling a new one and having to prove that i am indeed a transvestite rather than a robot though sometimes perhaps it could be better than the pulling on of stockings in the middle of summer.
Once more tis but the lazy sod in myself..it is a good job i change my panties far more often than i pass this way..each day i think on this blog with each day maybe tomorrow comes waving over the hill with ever big panties flying in the air. Perhaps if i tattooed my clitty..Maturetvslut that is of coarse if it fits on..might well wake me up more often...the real reason i suspect it the daily climbing up to the work horse day that squashes thoughts of sitting awhile to pour thoughts across this white blank space...perhaps if i thought of this screen as the colour of cum..i might just pant a bit more and scribble across this sea of cum..which today i would rather be surfing in..however life is life and there are chores to be done therefore i must drift away with another promise to sit here awhile...fingers clitty crossed that i might soon...

Monday 29th May 2017.

Not quite as soon as i wanted to return to sit awhile scribble here..time is a bug bear riding on the back of pink Elephants..which would probably make a sight worthy of this day should they be dressed as transvestites...which really means i need a shave on this Whit Monday morning to remove this male stubble of which slut waking up this morning has simply put up with it long enough she is screaming to get rid off extremely loud.
Summer is on the march as it is becoming far to hot to wear a bra under my work uniform my shirts are that old they are almost see through and thankfully i am nearing the time when i pull on my blue uniform for the last time...such thoughts are beginning to climb burst inside my head with a stardust of things i want to do in the opening year of wear blue no more. I quite fancy some bigger breasts a sort of tease to myself..that dream of having real ones is just that a dream. I have made a habit of mooching through charity shops for clothes picking up old jumpers and looking for wool dresses the odd slutty clothing passes through my fingers i feel this buzz be gin to grow my clitty begins to throb but soon dashed if the size is far to small sometimes i simply buy it never the less just so now and then i can simply feel the material as a sort of comforter i guess...especially when the garment is only a few quid to buy and after all it does help a charity.
After seeing a real fem wearing a unicorn T_shirt i just had to order one quite why this particular bug climbed into my head is unknown,was it because the young fem had big breasts which i cannot have or did seeing her take me back to my teenage years when there was no money in my pocket as the transvestite was a sap rising in my body and mind..i certainly was not sad or confused simply something that happened and having no reason to halt it because it felt so good..Which in the great wide world is Small Stuff and only pink elephants know better...xx

Sunday 21st May2017.

Ouch...double ouch..time to smack hands time to rant across my soul as to why i have not dipped in journal form in the deepness of my Fem side...much has passed in thoughts and safe deeds since i last found time to sit here and contemplate life not so much the slut a subject i do wonder if i will arrive once more at that station perhaps i could label myself as a lazy slut with a big Z...there cannot be a day when i do not think about the dreaded word Cock however practice has been far to lazy.
On other forms of my transvestite life style progress has been made adapted and fondly acquired in my acceptance of whom lives inside me. I have at last found a real female friend whom i can talk about fem stuff which helps to ease the mind when living and working in a Macho context i find myself in for most of the time i walk the planet thankfully to its the small things that build big when added together...and best of all i have made the effort this morning to punch a hole into my mind full of panties bra's and what ever to come and sit here reset my password simply been that long since i opened this page on my life.
With added thoughts across a few words i found wandering around LJ....Happy Sunday or as i like to call it lazy braless bitch in pyjamas day. with a promise to venture this way very sooooooon..xxx

Sunday 19th February 2017.

I sometimes wonder...or should i say each day..should i keep this old girl on the road keep the scribbles rolling along in cyber-space do i wish thousands would read this, is my vanity fooling in living in such hope or is it simply there for passing people from the planet Zog..to ponder over why some males willingly dress up in real ladies clothes..call themselves sissy's when in fact society really wants John Wayne look-a-likes.
Or is it a place to come and ponder why the lust for Brown is always in the back ground..keeping it caged away in some dark corner of the mind is at times so very hard i could quite easily in one lust throw away the key...however the mind is always dangerous when left on its own in such thoughts perhaps best to let it out now and then...i recall when trying to punch away the sissy inside me by bundling up all my clothes and burying them in a dark wood when i was a teenager thinking that would solve the urge to dress as a women..yet only to feel the urge to dress even more demanding growing each day...better to accept being a transvestite than fighting such a red riding hood..
Perhaps then i should stop fighting this blank screen and simply BE.....

Wednesday 11th January 2017.

There was a time when i almost lived on public bus service routes the joy of sitting there starring at the world dreaming of this and that was a pleasant past time...to journeys end...in this crazy modern world this is no longer true unless you hide under a seat and peer at peoples foot wear in an ordinary fashion...For perhaps the second time in twelve months i climbed on a bus this morning, half awake half a sleep perhaps thinking of a huge real cock, i placed my fare on the wrong place the driver was not a happy bunny pointing to the right place and muttering a few words....thankfully his cock did not appeal to me and i shyly took my ticket and shrank into a chair....starring out at the still dark city streets i wondered is life real today or simply plastic...Should i have said so sorry old transvestites can be sloppy this hour of the morning..i wonder if he would have grunted spat at the glass..or simply stood up and took out his cock..the world will never know and i am glad tonight i have sat before this machine once more....

Monday 2nd January 2017.

My aim for this coming year...is to come and find myself here before these keys at least twice a week...to laugh giggle perhaps be serious with my self perhaps reflect also the fact i have been a transvestite for most of my life walking this planet.
I think to always ask myself quite why i became..drifted or simply born into being a transvestite is something not to pause along for any great depth...perhaps the drift into the Sissy mould on life is something to ponder quite why i like to be dominated i find strange especially when i consider my mother...a word i shy away from, even the person too, my feelings about her are unsure..i don't recall ever looking through her wardrobe as a child nor a wish to try her clothes on...i have read one or two stories from transvestites where their mother was a heavy influence...if i have to say anything..i think perhaps her coldness could have a jot to explain it...if i compare her to my aunt of which whom i did try on some of her clothes and perhaps ashamedly snip through her wardrobe when i was around my late teens....the warmth softness of her clothes on my young skin was perhaps the beginning.
As for my sexual appetite..that is one big group of Cadburys Chocolate snowmen to contemplate one i have bitten off the heads of far to many this festive season..perhaps because i imagined the taste as if real mens cum something i have hungered after this past year but not done much about seeking it out....and when so desperate i have tasted my own milk...
I have also increased my wardrobe and found clothes hidden away i had almost forgotten about..i like to roam around charity shops and my big wish is to stop saying i am buying for a friend..etc...with any other excuse which floats into my head at the moment...for it is far easier these days to buy with a smile than when i first started buy clothes..i can still recall the picture on the sales ladies face when i bought my first panties...the sheer horror or disgust could have broken glass.
Therefore we shall see what this year brings i can only say and wish my self luck with a handbag full of vanity oh and of coarse a kiss..